Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Thoughts from the office

Everyone here at UBS is really driven! Wow. I'm not sure if i like to work in such an environment... but i'll take my time to find out.
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I have a really interesting project! Think i have much to learn from it. Luckily there's no coding involved.
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OMG just checked results. I can't believe it. I'm supposed to have sacrificed this sem's modules, due to CCA commitments! Man this is weird.
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Just had dinner at Brewerkz, with some of the interns from all the three offices. First time meeting them, so it'll still take some time to blend in.

But anyway, it has been a long and fruitful week. I leave work everyday enriched with new knowledge, about the workings of a financial institution, about the intricate issues involved and the different functions that make it up. I spend a lot of my time purveying documents and info not accessible to the public - like reports by experts on the economy, messages sent from Chief xx Officers, and the various e-learning modules online.

The perspective from within the organization is really different. What you read about in Time or Fortune is actually just the tip of the iceberg; you have to be within it to see what lies beneath. It's amazing. It's like seeing a storybook come to life. Just that the storybook has a trillion dollar net worth, and has 65,000 characters running around the globe.

And i like that i'm doing a cross IT-Business project. I'll be presenting the idea to a bunch of managers next week! Owe it to my boss for giving me the exposure. It enables me to talk to people, garner information and work independently. A very well-rounded, full-bodied kinda thing. Plus help is always around the corner, so i feel quite comfortable in the job.

Anyway, the job experience has given me an opportunity to explore issues like career, success, fulfillment, life goals. The good thing about being an intern is that everyone becomes your mentor. Good timing, too, because my mind is filled with doubts and questions.

Like, what is the value of having good grades? Perhaps i haven't been here too long, but i really don't see how it helps at all. Sure, i can recognise common elements in my daily readings from what i've learned in school, but does it really aid me in my work? I don't quite see the point of getting good grades anymore. Actually, i lost the motivation since the start of the year, which is why i was surprised at my grades. I don't think i even wanted to do well. As long as you keep building up your soft skills and technical knowledge, you don't have to get every assignment picture-perfect, or cram like mad each exam season.

A bigger worry, though, is that i still don't feel fulfilled. I volunteer, i have good friends, i take up leadership roles, and i do well in school. But somehow it just doesn't add up. It doesn't make me feel satisfied with myself. It doesn't give me a warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart, well not for long anyway. What must i do? I want to value myself, to give my life meaning. But nothing's working. Nothing.

And still life goes on.

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