I'm just a complete wreck right now.

I M H

Things i've learned from this microcosm of life.

Dev gave me a crash course on Forex trading. Learned how to read the trending or non-trend bounded prices for trading, using some analytical techniques e.g. this japanese candlestick thing. Learned about commodity currencies, etc, and slightly about how it is affected by world events.

Peter consistently drilled gems of wisdom into me. How everyone will walk their very own paths in life. How being here teaches me about empathy for others, about compassion, about understanding my own life. About friendship.

And Vishy, May, Sulee were all very special in their own way.

When you take a break for a few days, isolated from the world outside, you have the time to meditate. To reflect. To think about what you've learned. It is a deeply touching process.

We talked weaknesses and failures openly. Bipolar disorder. Alcoholism. Infidelity. Me, the fear of failure, the lack of belief in myself.

We know. We bear the faith that life will still be good. And we can change for the better.

I wish that i will never lose this flame of hope, that they carry in their hearts, blazing so strongly.

Thank you.

It hurts.

But i will still remain by your side...

Always.

An idea of life

Time has a strange way of getting around without us knowing it.

Autumn, 2009 now.

School still deluges us as usual. It feels like a load off my back now that I've stepped down. A female manager sure makes things different. The block now has a feminine atmosphere to it. Even the noticeboards bloom flowers and glitter. Well, it's no longer my concern. No longer my time to patrol the block, to tend to every lost resident, to look up at the block banner with a glow of satisfaction. It's strange how things get back to normal. An intricate feel of normalcy. The memories stay as memories, fleeting and ephemeral as they always have been. We simply wrap ourselves around our given roles in society, like flower buds around stalks. And a flower only lasts as long as its petals open.

I am trying out new things. Special Events Director of FastForward Society gets me writing proposals and liaising with the corporate world. Being FOC chair also had me planning an amazing race event with Renling for a corporate client. And it's strange how these working executives appear: Poised, calm, capable... yet inflexible, single-minded, dull. Experience does a strange deal of numbing down our minds. We think knowledge empowers us, that our experiences has strengthened us, bringing out our potential, fulfilling our capacities.

I don't know if i'll ever fall into this complacency trap. I can only hope to retain a modicum of wisdom as i grow older. Because, truly, the more i learn, the less i know. I feel an immense sense of humility and gratitude towards life. Towards my friends. Towards knowledge. Yet it's all too easy to take it all for granted, to get cynical, to fall into disillusionment.

There's a season for everything, even for pain, sorrow, misery. Life changes, towards death, rebirth, and new life. We have to tread it step by step, observing the harmony of things, feeling as we should be, living as we must.

That's my idea of life.

Meanwhile, I'm still an individual in society, doing tutorials and labs, playing sports and games, holding meetings and discussions. Sometimes the mundaneness of it all gets to me.

And sometimes it doesn't.

A memory

Riding on Maran's bike (without a helmet) alongside Jing Yi (on a bicycle) along the twilight roads lined with rustic dim orange streetlamps.. the feel of exhilaration and fulfillment of being with your true friends...

This is a memory i'll cherish forever.

A lesson from history

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out-
because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out-
because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out-
because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-
because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me-
and there was no one left to speak out for me.
- Martin Niemoeller, 1946

Parrrtayyy!!

Some of the international students in my block held a party tonight! Ralf and Julian forked out their own money, time and effort to create the event complete with music and speakers from Cafe Del Mar, as well as drinks and our local bartender Mohan to boot(he mixes some pretty good cocktails!). I just had a couple of drinks and showed face here and there. Helped out a friendly, drunk girl from America named Nancy to get to the toilet. (Later on i saw her being mobbed by guys...uh oh. But she just gave them her number) The atmosphere was definitely there, despite our tame hall environment in 54 haha. They made their preparations pretty well, covering up the painted walls and furniture. Kinda lucky that not that many people came down (or the lounge would definitely be ruined)

But i bet the international students were having a blast! It was very, very interesting to see how, er, openminded they were. Heard noises from a couple in the toilet (squeezed into a cubicle).. haha. Everyone there's a consenting adult, right? There were quite a few instant-made couples who went off to unsuspecting places. I just hope no one's taken advantage of. Anyway, i'm still glad to be a shy, conservative guy.

Yay to diversity.

Today...

Today...

8.45 a.m.
9.22 a.m.
11.36 a.m.
12.31 p.m.
2.00 p.m.
2.43 p.m.
4.25 p.m.
6.32 p.m.
7.53 p.m.
9.20 p.m.
10.05 p.m.
11.46 p.m.
1.30 a.m.
1.58 a.m.

Happy times.

Thank you, my dear friends.

FOC 2009

Hey. Just came back from Hall Freshman Orientation Camp! It was quite an unexpectedly enjoyable experience. After all, i've never been the extroverted, funloving kinda person. But i really liked my T orientation group, somehow. The seniors Raghu, Eugene and Zuhui were nice and supportive, and the freshies were the most enthusiastic batch in 3 years! Glad i was able to mix well with them. It reminds me of last year's camp. I felt comfortable with these people in hall. So comfortable, that i'd want to run for block manager and let everyone have the same kind of feeling. The feeling of being at home.

Still, it was an exhausting period through and through. From the first day, i started helping the logistics team to carry all the supplies to the lorries. Then i helped out as a station master with honey. It was dreary, cuz the ogs took so long to get to our station. We waited for 3 hours without doing anything! We spent the hours just chatting and playing.. After that we had a briefing and video session for the freshies. Hope they enjoyed the jcrc video i made with jovina haha. Then SP interaction was absolut fun. I went about listening and disturbing the random couples around. Our og's guys mostly had great conversations. Looks like i'm the only one with a bad experience.

The next day was spent at Sentosa. I tagged along as a senior, helping the programmers sometimes. The games were quite fun i thought! Haha i planned one of the games. Our Theron freshies were crazy enthu, cheering loudly all the time! Everyone was so surprised when we lost each game. It always felt like we were winning, cuz our morale was so high. But we had alot of fun, dunking or taopoking seniors haha. I got dunked in water and my hp got damaged :( But it was a cheap one so i'm ok.

More to come next time...

Hols

It's been a while, eh.

What went past?

Reservist with 290SA, now that was a blast. A very cozy reunion with the good ol' platoon mates, lots of fun and laughter. We definitely have a great mix of characters to keep things interesting. Outfield was, well, outfield. Anyway, reservists really have it good. Doesn't make sense to defer and split from the gang.

We're a team.

What else? I'm a full-fledged insurance agent now. Jinghang just closed one deal herself haha. Not sure i can hit the minimum quota to not get fired.

And i fell ill.

Our oneToOne Web design company!

Returning to photoshop. Did up some banners...

Our Cardching website banner.

A crappy attempt at doing those 'Corporate style' banners for our company Onetoone.

A try at creating a banner for my uncle's company.

Death is so sorrowful.

Because life can be so sweet.

And that is why we live on.

Tired.

I feel tired and dispirited.

I haven't had a good chat with friends for a long time.

It'll probably pass in a couple of hours... am i running away?

Perhaps i'm just sick and tired of having to put up a strong front.

Inspired

At Sis Ah Girl's house. It's 4 a.m in the morning! And i'm not ready to sleep yet.

Pity that i can't stay longer, but i have our block outing later, and after that Jiehao, James and i'll be pulling out an all-nighter discussion at my house till the next morning. I just feel inspired. Thanks for acceding to my request guys!

I had a great time pitching our business plan to Sis Ah Girl and Bro Ah Di. It really forces me to focus on the idea, think of how to present and clarify it, as well as understand ways to improve it. I can visualize and understand it each time i explore it again. It's like a budding plant, a baby sequoia. And i can see no end to its increasing lushness.

Had an incredibly long session with Ah Di, about video gaming and whatnot. I like one thing he said, about being lonely. He has always liked being a loner, a bachelor, an anarchist.

That's why he's alone alot. But he's not lonely. Being lonely, he thinks, is all in the mind. You can be in the midst of a group of people celebrating your birthday and still feel lonely. People are different, of course. Some people just require others around them to feel fulfilled, to feel wanted. It's all from the individual's personality. And that perhaps leads to introverted or extroverted behavior. I guess i've always had a healthier opinion of the former. Don't empty vessels make the loudest sound?

But if we're feeling lonely most of the time regardless of company, we probably need quite some self-development. Personally, i've been brought up as an alone child in my early days. Besides the weekends with cousins and relatives, and with both my parents at work, i spent much of the week alone. That's why it's perfectly comfortable for me to be alone. And as for being lonely, well, now i have her :) . But i still miss friends whom i can really talk and thrash things out with. Guys like wudao and gaoshan. I wonder if they'll be the same when i see them again. I wish Socrates were alive... ha.

He also talked about leadership as he knew it. We're really similar at this. We appraise our group, and usually take up the initiative to lead if there's no better leader. Not because of an innate desire to stand out and take the glory, but to ensure that things go the way we want it. Like Ah Di, I have never sought to lead for most of my life. There didn't seem much need, i guess, with the talent mills we have at my schools.

But i'm pretty sure my threshold for a satisfactory standard must be kinda high, since now i've been engaging in a fair bit of leadership here and there, pushing for things to happen. It's about how bad you want something, and people around me sometimes just want to work only for as long as they stay in their comfort zones. And i think that's perfectly fine. We should all live our lives the way we want it to be. I haven't seen anyone that superior enough to fairly tell somebody else what to do. (and sometimes it gets disappointing)

And he talked about the sense of accomplishment, when he completes a marathon or improves his work by a huge margin. It's all about beating yourself. They say the greatest competition is always yourself. It's not about the medals you win or the grades you get. And i truly think i haven't been winning against me recently. I want to challenge myself. I want to fight at something. But innately i have a problem: a strong sense of self-protection. I usually don't put in my 100% in something, because it makes me feel raw, like being stranded in the cold snow without a coat. What is left when i put in all my best efforts? What will failure feel like?

Winners don't think of losing. And if they do, they just have to overcome that fear. The way i underestimate my capabilities, i'm doing myself an ill favour. I can go further than this. We can go further than this. This project will be a testament of our very best efforts. And i believe we can win. We will.

Well, i guess that explains my inspiration. One of those runaway trains of thought.

From Ho Chi Minh to Hongkong: Treasure Island

Night, on the MTR.

We boarded the train as the China immigrants did, with our huge backpacks for their archaic blue-red-white striped bags. It brought us across the New Territories, deep into the heart of Hongkong Island.

Hongkong, one of the world's most populous and yet prosperous countries, a cosmopolitan business and cultural hub, a dream destination for many. And happily, we were not disappointed :)

Tai Po Market, Sha Tin, Kowloon Tong, Tsim Sha Tsui, the station names rung our imagination from countless TVB dramas. An hour later, Wan Chai. We chugged our bags outside, and met with Zhiyang, an old classmate of mine. He still looked the same, wearing specs and sporting the impeccably neat hairstyle. Zhiyang had kindly agreed to be our gracious host for the HK leg, and we'd be unimaginably grateful in the following week.

But first we saw the skyscrapers.

Towering above us from all sides, it was... awesome. Hongkong, the world's most vertical city with the most skyscrapers. They were everywhere, tall looming figures that flickered with gleaming skylights. I owe my parents this one for giving me non-claustrophobic genes.

What came next was no less amazing. ZY brought us into the service apartment where he and his parents stayed, a pseudo-condo with impressive security. Little did we expect that...we'd be treated to probably the most comprehensive hospitality we've ever had! His parents awed us with their wonderful care and help throughout our stay. They'd prepared clean, spacious beds for us and our own toilet for use, inclusive of towels, utensils, the works. We truly felt at home, or even better, as honored guests, in the full sense of the phrase.

We talked with ZY and his parents about the foods, attractions and idiosyncrasies of Hongkong, and were just brimming with excitement for the morning to arrive. Our planning slowly began for these five exhilarant days...

24th June, Tuesday.
Having found Civilization, we rediscovered dates.

But perhaps not our sense of time, seeing that we woke up late this morning. Auntie sent us off to the MTR with a couple of buns for breakfast. We chewed on it slowly as we decided on, firstly, to visit Ah Wang.

Remember Ah Wang (Xiao Xi Fu! Xiao Xi Fu!) from "Ah Wang Xin Zhuan"? We decided to visit the place Ah Wang lived, the suburban areas, most notably Sha Tin. Yet we walked out of Sha Tin MTR into a shopping mall. The biggest, most luxurious shopping mall we've ever been to. To illustrate: it even has its own Peanuts-themed playground, Snoopy's World! After indulging in a little camwhoring, we came to our senses and began exploring the surrounding suburban areas.





Nearby, a wet market. They had quail meat for sale, like miniature versions of chicken meat. Besides that, it was really similar to SG wet markets. We walked all around, to the Heritage Museum, a couple of famous temples (i'm not a big fan), and to the Tseng Housing Estate. There, Tseng Zhi Wei lives with his daughter! I saw him leave in a taxi, and Jason believed me for five seconds.

We hopped over to a park, to a pretty pond, strolled along the canal-esque river, saw the famous HK domestic bus(!) and, to satisfy our higher interests in learning, toured the City Hall, then the Library.

All this while we were seeing things new and interesting, old and familiar, in the suburban 'heartlands' of Hongkong. We even had a glimpse at the HK national flower, the beautiful Orchid Bauhinia.





Next stop: University.
It wasn't until we reached there and quizzed a couple of locals that we found out this wasn't the University of HK! But the Chinese University of HK is a close second when it comes to world academic rankings. Not to mention gradients and contours... CUHK beats NTU hands down! We walked, hiked, mountaineered up its steep roads and nature paths to its various faculties. An interesting one was 'Theology', for budding Saint Augustines perhaps. We took a tea break at the cafe at the top, sniffing in the air of hoi polloi like any other uni student in HK. The view was magnificent.



Melding into the population, we took a local shuttle bus down, and met Zhiyang and family for dinner near Wan Chai. ZY's parents gave us a generous treat for our Chinese five-course dinner at a favorite restaurant. After that, it's time for...

Nightlife! Hongkong's most famous haunt for drinking, clubbing and dining is undoubtedly Lan Kwai Fong. Expatriates thronged the place, as well as men and women dressed to the nines. Our outfits was an outrageous shirt-and-jeans, but having braved all contrasting social settings in Vietnam and China, we now strolled around shamelessly in ease :)

The place swarmed with bars, restaurants, clubs and billiard pubs. We entered a club and spent awhile dancing and drinking inside for a moderate fee. Then we headed to Tsim Sha Tsui, which had a vibrant night scene too. The night passed almost too quickly with a couple of interesting experiences...

...and then we were back in Wan Chai. Our newfound hobby awaited: arcade gaming! Arcade games were incredibly cheap here, and driving and guitar/drum simulation games were, quite simply, spammable. We had a great time racing each other at this Initial D game. It's been such a long time since arcade games felt so enjoyable, ha.

Past midnight, and sleep beckoned. We returned to our cozy beds.

As the winds blew outside, i looked through the windows. Skyscrapers stared back at me as if it were perfectly normal. I sniffed, and snuck under the sheets.

We slept sweetly, soundly. Our first day on Treasure Island had ended, but the next day impatiently awaits.

I'm still trying.

Meanwhile, on the spur of the moment i've decided to continue the journal of my Vietnam-China-HK travails..

P.s. the pics are mostly on facebk!

From Ho Chi Minh to Hongkong: Joyous Garde

I awoke in darkness, and i awoke in light.

God, i must have laid on my bed for twenty-odd hours in my feverish dream. And finally we reached our destination.

Guangzhou. A bustling hub of sprawling buildings and urban jungle, among the largest and most populated cities in China. We filtered through the living masses, looking for a nearby hotel. We found a cheap one hidden in an alley that winded off and away from sight, due more to poor planning than any concerns of private serenity. We washed up and left the place in a huff to catch an appointment.

The GZ Metro, reminiscent of the one in Taiwan. We took the train to Chen Ancestral Hall, where a familiar face awaited us. Joy! Literally. She had been on an internship in an industrial park near GZ, and came out on the weekend to meet us.



We had a look at the ancestral hall, built from the donations of scholars and featuring porcelain, jade, sculptures, paintings and antique furniture collections. Times like this, you'd wish you were an antiquarian.

The three of us ate at a nearby restaurant, catching up about our travels and sharing about our experience in China. Can't remember the food though.

We cabbed to Shang Xia Jiu Jie, literally Up Down Ninth Street, a famous shopping district and teenager hangout. We bought a load of cheap clothes (which tended to have color run-offs back home) and snacked on cheap, delicious foods.

Not me, though. The stomachache just grew worse and vomiting fits came often. At times i could barely speak. Luckily Jason hit it off well with Joy, and i was glad enough to look at their sandals to keep following.

Wish my stomach was strong enough for China's street fare. It felt sickening, my stomach churning inside out. I barely remembered anything else. But we said our goodbye to Joy after we (they) had some supper, and headed back to the hotel.

A good night's sleep later...

... and we were off and running again, this time taking a train to Shenzhen. China's first and most successful Special Economic Zone, Shenzhen had a modern, ordered feel to it, more than any other city in China.

We headed straight for its shopping districts, of course! Lao Jie, the Old Streets, and Dong Men Ding, SZ's counterpart to the taiwanese version. They offered fashion-wear priced higher than GZ, so it was mostly window-shopping for us. But the variety made it exciting and tantalizing for us to explore, and we scoured the place for good buys.

After fully satisfied our shopping thrills, we crossed over the border to Hongkong...

Sanitized toilets and clean food, here we come!

Learning HTML

Your current mood:
It's a wonderful world!
Satisfied with life.
Nothing's going right..
Wish you were here...

Alcohol Tolerance analysis:

No. of times you forgot your name
No. of times you woke up sprawled over the toilet bowl

End of the exams

End of the exams, end of the semester.

Still mucking around at home. Had an SGX interview yesterday, kinda fun but it didn't end off well. Now i'm musing if i should get over to Pulau NTU and visit my poor, estranged honey. Nah she's not that lonely haha.

Exams... probably won't do well this semester. Really lost my footing academically. It's been a tough time chasing up, especially when our faculty's pretty good, with my BCG friends and international students. I don't find them any less smarter than in RI or RJ. So it's challenging -and stressful- enough for me.

I just have to find my humility for learning and my passion for knowledge. I really want to explore more of school life now, after having spent the past year getting involved in hall life. That means joining competitions, doing research, reading up on periodicals. I mean, it's University. Our last big chance to learn and enrich yourself. Next thing you know it, you're being thrown into the rat race of life, trying to get yourself a hedonistic, materialistic lifestyle, so you can lose sight of what's important in life, so you can forget why you actually live. But at least you can say you're a success.

No, really. Gotta seize the day. Carpe Diem.

Vindicated.

Like a dream

Wednesday, a dark morning.

Listening to an old 933FM podcast, i was moved.

It felt so long ago...
when time moved ever so slowly,and emotions flowed freely,
and memories fell into place like a jigsaw puzzle.

The rain fell heavily. And the winds blew, the thunder stormed.
And the raindrops streamed across the windows...

Like it were all a dream.

Wake-up

I screwed up in my studies.

I was complacent, I was lazy, I couldn't be bothered to practise for the test.

Whatever happened to last semester's humility in learning, passion for knowledge, questioning approach to things?

Now here comes a goddamn right wake-up call. I sure as hell deserve it.

I am stupid, and i am ignorant. You hear that? Don't you ever get the wrong idea again.

Just remember: I don't know anything now. Except that i know nothing.

Touched

It's been the end of yet another very eventful week, with quite a load of stress piled up...

... had my second lab test on wed. Didn't fare as well, couldn't handle one of the special cases. But i'm still pretty glad, since i only spent, say, a couple hours practising.

Instead, i spent quite a few nights until 3am in the morning, doing up our hall nite games with my blk subcom mates! It seemed quite crazy if you accounted in all our own commitments and schoolwork. But i'm absolutely grateful and encouraged that i have such a group of wonderful ppl to back me up.

WED NIGHT, we had our hall night, CANDYLICIOUS! which i personally thought was the most fun and successful thing we'd ever did so far. It went very smoothly and felt interesting all the way, and everyone looked very well entertained, ha.

Thurs morning, AB114 presentation... i had my first proper rehearsal while waiting for my turn! Totally didn't have time to memorise or prepare anything at all. So i went in with a blank slate, shaky voice and all. Luckily it didn't turn out that bad, i kept the class laughing with some funny slides haha. I think speaking loudly and maintaining a cheerful spirit dispels the nervousness pretty well.

At night, i suddenly felt like watching 'I Am Sam', so i got a couple of favours and set up a movie screening. Just the close few of us, JH and i, as well as Weichong, Brandon, Chongyu and Alvin.

Ha...and i felt really touched. Not just by the movie, which never fails to moisten my eyes. But i was innately very much cheered up when my 54 mates came to support me, even coming to watch a sappy movie together.

Somewhere along my journey as part of the JCRC, i seem to have forgotten why i'd run for blk manager in the first place. Not to bond the residents, not to provide a service to the hall, but before all of this, i simply wanted to share the kind of experience i've had with these guys. Along the way, as things got busier and i grew shallower in my contact with friends, i had almost lost this very important thought. Hall life can and should be a once-in-a-lifetime experience filled with great friendships and indelible memories. Because from the day i stepped into hall till now, i've been countlessly inspired and lifted by the wonderful individuals living in blk 54. Because right from day 1, it was never about the culture. It's about the people.

Sometimes i forget: it's not how many friends you have, but who you have as your friends. I feel blessed that both in hall and at school, i have close friends who will really, well, be there for me.

Just like in the past... but this time, i've learned to appreciate my friends, to not take them for granted. Because good friends are so hard to come by.

Well, i just wanted to say...

Thanks.

A rainbow after the storm

The past week couldn't have been more stressful for me, or for some of my friends.

Sometimes the busyness of life lets you forget your worries. Instead when you're left on a week of free time to complete everything, the stress just piles up and crashes down on you.

Guess that's what happened to alot of us. I spent two days working till six am for my accounting assignment, and one day till five am for programming. I wish someday group projects will stop teaching us the same thing: there will always be slackers, and you're damn well gonna fill up for them. I also hope someday for programming lab, i won't be looking for a needle in a haystack anymore. Or at least i'll have a match.

I think that night was one of the worst programming experiences for me. My frustration simply rose over the tipping point. I cursed to God, banged my fists sore against the table, threw the chair around. I couldn't sleep until i solved the problem myself.

So you can imagine that after this nerve-wracking week of punishment, i wasn't in the best of moods to go with YZ to the Club Rainbow Appreciation Tea.

But i'm glad i did.

It was a nice, cozy gathering with the rest of the Slimy Eyeball folks. Ben, PohLin, Ryan, Doris, Winnie, and the kids Zhexi, Rachel. Anyway, there were a couple of speeches made to thank us for our contributions etc, a cute lil' teddybear gift, our certificates, and a sumptuous buffet to boot. I wore myself out playing planes and catching with the boys. Guess i accumulated too much fatigue.

Were there only three kids? It felt more like an army! Ha... but Pohlin and the rest always attend to their every need. We went to Suntec, the koi pond, fountain etc. In the end i was the only one who was bushed out after walking all around...oops. They even wanted to leave me sleeping at the dinner table! Haha. Well, i'm just glad YZ and the other kids had fun with us.

And now i'm home, having accomplished none of my backdated work today. But it's been my most fruitful day of the week.

I almost forgot why i live.

But now i remember.

Nearing the end of his speech, our volunteer said,

Many of us here have illnesses, some throughout our lives. But we still move on, we still keep going.

After all, Life is wonderful.

And he said it so naturally and with such conviction, as though he'd fell in love with life the day he was born.

Sometimes, inspiration is simply about reminding ourselves, letting us recall what we already know in our hearts.

The truest greatness lies in being kind, the truest wisdom in a happy mind.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Go

If i had another lifetime or so to spare, i'd spend it on Weiqi.

I like its absolute freedom, its vast universe where every step feels like discovering a new star. No other board game comes close in this aspect.

I can still remember the game i played in the Interhall Games, against a Vietnamese player! It was thoroughly thrilling and my heart throbbed with every move. It was the first time i felt moves flowing into my head, magically playing out themselves. An experience almost... automatic and surreal. The excitement of playing against a competitive stranger really makes me feel alive.

Well, haven't had that feeling for awhile. Jingyi (above) is better than me by quite a margin, damn lol. Hopefully i can spar more with him.

Dream

It felt terrible in my dream today.

I'd been taking a nap at the wooden benches corner, my head on the table. Woke up and felt like getting to the toilet to get a wash. Then i realised i hadn't woke up yet. So i tried to get up from my seat and walk over. Again i found myself still sleeping.

I did it for ten-odd times before i really managed to wake up, lasting about half an hour i think. It was scary losing control of my body and being trapped in my dream, yet conscious all the time.

I need to take a break.

:)




Glad she likes it. My first book for kids!

31.1.09

I haven't tasted such a bitter feeling of defeat for so long.

I cried. We all did.

Months and months of training, for this day. Countless friendlies fought on weekends, countless trainings under the sun.

And i finally know what the seniors mean, when they say they have been waiting for this day for so long. Years and years.

It's so painful.

But all of us must move on. There will always be even greater challenges awaiting us in the future. There will be bigger opponents, tougher fights everywhere in our lives. It's too early to give up.

We had been too overdependent on our seniors, who never failed to turn the tide for us. Now we must lead ourselves. i will have to grow and strengthen as well.

Yida and everyone gave a good closure to our softball year. We are, and still will be a team. A great team.

And someday when we look back on this softball finals on the 31st.Jan.09, it would have become a deeply precious memory for all of us.

...

There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.
Michel De Montaigne

Knockdown

Sigh... Still incredibly stressed over programming. Can't feel the cheery spirit of CNY.. It's been an awful down period for me these few weeks. I keep trying and trying and the program just throws it straight back in my face. Seriously, it's sem 1 all over again. Perhaps worse than that.

I want to get back on my feet soon.

School just started

Third week of school, and it feels like the first week of school.

Loads and loads of stuff to catch up on. And despite that Maran, Jingyi and I still relentlessly throw ourselves into all kinds of activities. We finally completed round 1 for our L'oreal Estrat game. We also signed up for this resume/interview competition thingy. And I might be doing up a booth with Pramodh and Maran during a carnival event. Ned and the rest are thinking about joining a major programming competition, too.

It's always such a blast with these guys man. So full of passion for living life to the max, to pursue everything and anything we've laid our eyes upon. I am so thankful for having all these great friends around me, for livening every moment of school.

Waiting for the Hawaii environmental study trip thing to reply. If i don't get thru i'll be seeing if i can go work-n-travel with Pramodh, or whatnot. Gotta plan way, way ahead.

Oh, and we won our Softball semifinals yesterday, and are thru to the Interhall finals! It wasn't all that exciting and high. I think we definitely need more passion and motivation to stand as a decent contender for the gold. But captain Yida probably will have something in mind to rev up everybody. I'd pray, if i did.

Dear JH and i just used up our dating funds. We're aiming to canvass for funds during CNY angpow giving at our relatives' house :p. Haha. We've been going out every opportunity we can, and it's been lovely. Sadly school, jcrc et al will keep us apart very often.

I just want to be with her.

Save the cheerleader...

Cheerleading is finally over~ after one whole grueling week of training!

What a blast it was, jumping and throwing and shouting and cheering our lungs out. The atmosphere was very, very electrifying. Somehow the performance felt really short. We did make quite a few mistakes, but i still think it was a really good effort.

It seems like alot of ppl came down for the IH opening. Everyone talked to me about it today, ha. I guess i don't regret joining the cheerleading team. It's been quite an new and exciting experience, a glimpse into the vast world of hot, energetic cheerleading. I'm just disappointed that i had been so wooden and crappy at being one. And it wasn't all that fun for me. Well, back to studies and regular life now.

He misses her...

Softball thru' to semifinals!!

It's been an exhausting day. Woke up early to catch the girls' match, which we lost due to a difference in skill and experience. It didn't bode well for the guys' softball match in the afternoon... worried me to no end. And it was the thunder before the storm. We played a fiercely fought, heart-wrenching battle to the last inning!

The first round... We started off with a couple of errors that led them easily on base. And we couldn't stop the runs for going in till they scored about 3. We finally caught them out, and set off to hit and score. But somehow due to Jek being blocked by the opponent on his running back to home (a seriously dirty trick), our batting round ended shortly and off we were fielding again. They hit some good singles and just kept advancing while everyone's nerves were going down the drain.

The tide finally began to turn when we started getting walks and our big hitters started hitting huge homeruns! The runs just kept pouring in like the rain. And our supporters roared in thunderous cheers all the way! But everyone was still under the impression that we were losing slightly, and the pressure still weighed on us.

Last two innings... we held them to a clean sheet! I caught two popflys in a row and ended the round smoothly... even managed to give a smug look, haha damn zhuai. We didn't manage to score despite having like 2,3 guys hitting singles onto base... that was quite demoralising. But Justin caught yet more popflys when it was our turn to field again. That was thrilling. And finally, after our last batting, we found out that we'd WON! The climax of the day... i was jumping and shouting all the way with everyone else. It really felt good to win them... the girls' coach that we'd grown to hate, the old man with the shades, the talkative catcher. Ha.

But this is starting to shorten my lifespan, having to come up from behind amidst all the pressure of chasing the opponent. Man. Total pressure all the way. Glad i have a good team to share the load. They always seem to create miracles in crucial moments.

Well, i'm all bushed up. Good game, really. Love this team.

Happy New Year '09

Wishing everyone a very prosperous and healthy new year ahead.

It's been a great week~~~

On the 30th, a fun-filled outing with the signallers and GAs gang for the whole day. We had a buffet lunch at Dragongate, and whiled the time chatting and teasing Chinhong. The jokes never grow stale haha. And all the familiar catchphrases, the iconic faces and behaviour came to life again, the guys i spent a year sleeping and breathing and playing and working together with :)

Apparently our appetites became finite after we left the army, and we didn't eat much. We went off to catch the movie 'Bedtime Stories', a short, sweet and funny movie that would be nice to watch on tv. Afterwards, strolling, strolling through Vivocity, and exploring the National Geographic museum, which is really worth a look!

Finally, ended off the day with hours of computer gaming at Paradiz. It's been awhile since i had so much fun haha. Sadly they went for drinks afterwards, and i had to go back hall before midnight.

Oh...chatted a long time at Meirong's room with a couple of folks, till 4 am. Ouch.

31st, having overslept awhile, i went for softball training. Pitched pretty well, finally found the feeling. Suddenly felt like going with Vijay and the rest to Renling's K Kountdown party =p. Her house at Serangoon Gardens is a nice exquisite 3-storey terrace, with a beautiful rooftop balcony. We spent the day shopping for presents, watching lil' Nonya, playing truth-or-dare and a couple of drinking games. Not that fun for me, cos... i'm not K? Ha...but everyone else seems to be having fun. Hopefully our Taza group can hold an outing sometime.

The countdown began and ended, bringing the start of the new year. Yay to yet another year of tears and joy! Ivan kindly sent me, Weiyen, Jasmine and Maxton home. And i slept till 3 pm today...ha.

Time for reflections...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It feels like an especially long year, 2008.

The year opened with me, fresh from Exercise Wallaby in Australia, and the agonising wait till ORD at the turn of February. We packed our things and stepped out free into the vast world out there. I worked for a couple of temp jobs, all with interesting experiences, then began planning for our cross Vietnam-China-HK backpacking trip. Another long wait full of anticipation, during which i had loads of fun with Club Rainbow (a charity for chronically ill kids) and spent 3d2n looking after Yongzhuo in Camp Rainbow, end May. Everytime you offer help to others, your heart broadens.

A few days after the camp, i was off traversing the hot urban cities across Asia. Vietnam was funky and different, China was big and exciting, Hongkong was vibrant and amazing. Came home, rushed off for the NBS FOC, and right after that the Hall FOC. Grew to like hall and the people, and ran an exhilarating campaign to be block 54 manager. Met the great guys in biz and comp, and felt glad that i can really connect with them! And the weeks passed in play and studies. Before you know it, the exam season has arrived in full swing, and everyone retreated into their mugger shells.

I began asking JH out, for jogging or supper, and we grew closer and closer. Exams ended, and we started dating. And now i am attached to this cute, funny, smart and lovable little girl :)

Then the hols turned into a furnace of IH games and trainings. There's softball and cheerleading, choir and caroling, and weiqi and all. After a while i grew weary of it all. Feels like a bird cooped in a cage, forced to sing and dance. What happened to the blue skies, the grassy plains?

Now, the brief respite before the start of school. I'm looking forward to organising more fun and games for the block! Miss my blockmates, the card sessions in the evenings, the chillout sessions. Miss my coursemates, the people who taught me more than i could ask for.

Miss some close frens whom i haven't seen for what seems like eternity. I guess everytime i change, time seems different. Every chapter of my life, i take on a new timeline. God knows how much i have changed over the year.

Anyway, it's time to close everything and move on again.

Happy New Year, 2009! Just like any other year before you.