I'm just a complete wreck right now.

Things i've learned from this microcosm of life.

Dev gave me a crash course on Forex trading. Learned how to read the trending or non-trend bounded prices for trading, using some analytical techniques e.g. this japanese candlestick thing. Learned about commodity currencies, etc, and slightly about how it is affected by world events.

Peter consistently drilled gems of wisdom into me. How everyone will walk their very own paths in life. How being here teaches me about empathy for others, about compassion, about understanding my own life. About friendship.

And Vishy, May, Sulee were all very special in their own way.

When you take a break for a few days, isolated from the world outside, you have the time to meditate. To reflect. To think about what you've learned. It is a deeply touching process.

We talked weaknesses and failures openly. Bipolar disorder. Alcoholism. Infidelity. Me, the fear of failure, the lack of belief in myself.

We know. We bear the faith that life will still be good. And we can change for the better.

I wish that i will never lose this flame of hope, that they carry in their hearts, blazing so strongly.

Thank you.

It hurts.

But i will still remain by your side...

Always.

Time has a strange way of getting around without us knowing it.

Autumn, 2009 now.

School still deluges us as usual. It feels like a load off my back now that I've stepped down. A female manager sure makes things different. The block now has a feminine atmosphere to it. Even the noticeboards bloom flowers and glitter. Well, it's no longer my concern. No longer my time to patrol the block, to tend to every lost resident, to look up at the block banner with a glow of satisfaction. It's strange how things get back to normal. An intricate feel of normalcy. The memories stay as memories, fleeting and ephemeral as they always have been. We simply wrap ourselves around our given roles in society, like flower buds around stalks. And a flower only lasts as long as its petals open.

I am trying out new things. Special Events Director of FastForward Society gets me writing proposals and liaising with the corporate world. Being FOC chair also had me planning an amazing race event with Renling for a corporate client. And it's strange how these working executives appear: Poised, calm, capable... yet inflexible, single-minded, dull. Experience does a strange deal of numbing down our minds. We think knowledge empowers us, that our experiences has strengthened us, bringing out our potential, fulfilling our capacities.

I don't know if i'll ever fall into this complacency trap. I can only hope to retain a modicum of wisdom as i grow older. Because, truly, the more i learn, the less i know. I feel an immense sense of humility and gratitude towards life. Towards my friends. Towards knowledge. Yet it's all too easy to take it all for granted, to get cynical, to fall into disillusionment.

There's a season for everything, even for pain, sorrow, misery. Life changes, towards death, rebirth, and new life. We have to tread it step by step, observing the harmony of things, feeling as we should be, living as we must.

That's my idea of life.

Meanwhile, I'm still an individual in society, doing tutorials and labs, playing sports and games, holding meetings and discussions. Sometimes the mundaneness of it all gets to me.

And sometimes it doesn't.

Riding on Maran's bike (without a helmet) alongside Jing Yi (on a bicycle) along the twilight roads lined with rustic dim orange streetlamps.. the feel of exhilaration and fulfillment of being with your true friends...

This is a memory i'll cherish forever.

A lesson from history

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out-
because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out-
because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out-
because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-
because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me-
and there was no one left to speak out for me.
- Martin Niemoeller, 1946

Some of the international students in my block held a party tonight! Ralf and Julian forked out their own money, time and effort to create the event complete with music and speakers from Cafe Del Mar, as well as drinks and our local bartender Mohan to boot(he mixes some pretty good cocktails!). I just had a couple of drinks and showed face here and there. Helped out a friendly, drunk girl from America named Nancy to get to the toilet. (Later on i saw her being mobbed by guys...uh oh. But she just gave them her number) The atmosphere was definitely there, despite our tame hall environment in 54 haha. They made their preparations pretty well, covering up the painted walls and furniture. Kinda lucky that not that many people came down (or the lounge would definitely be ruined)

But i bet the international students were having a blast! It was very, very interesting to see how, er, openminded they were. Heard noises from a couple in the toilet (squeezed into a cubicle).. haha. Everyone there's a consenting adult, right? There were quite a few instant-made couples who went off to unsuspecting places. I just hope no one's taken advantage of. Anyway, i'm still glad to be a shy, conservative guy.

Yay to diversity.