Inspired

At Sis Ah Girl's house. It's 4 a.m in the morning! And i'm not ready to sleep yet.

Pity that i can't stay longer, but i have our block outing later, and after that Jiehao, James and i'll be pulling out an all-nighter discussion at my house till the next morning. I just feel inspired. Thanks for acceding to my request guys!

I had a great time pitching our business plan to Sis Ah Girl and Bro Ah Di. It really forces me to focus on the idea, think of how to present and clarify it, as well as understand ways to improve it. I can visualize and understand it each time i explore it again. It's like a budding plant, a baby sequoia. And i can see no end to its increasing lushness.

Had an incredibly long session with Ah Di, about video gaming and whatnot. I like one thing he said, about being lonely. He has always liked being a loner, a bachelor, an anarchist.

That's why he's alone alot. But he's not lonely. Being lonely, he thinks, is all in the mind. You can be in the midst of a group of people celebrating your birthday and still feel lonely. People are different, of course. Some people just require others around them to feel fulfilled, to feel wanted. It's all from the individual's personality. And that perhaps leads to introverted or extroverted behavior. I guess i've always had a healthier opinion of the former. Don't empty vessels make the loudest sound?

But if we're feeling lonely most of the time regardless of company, we probably need quite some self-development. Personally, i've been brought up as an alone child in my early days. Besides the weekends with cousins and relatives, and with both my parents at work, i spent much of the week alone. That's why it's perfectly comfortable for me to be alone. And as for being lonely, well, now i have her :) . But i still miss friends whom i can really talk and thrash things out with. Guys like wudao and gaoshan. I wonder if they'll be the same when i see them again. I wish Socrates were alive... ha.

He also talked about leadership as he knew it. We're really similar at this. We appraise our group, and usually take up the initiative to lead if there's no better leader. Not because of an innate desire to stand out and take the glory, but to ensure that things go the way we want it. Like Ah Di, I have never sought to lead for most of my life. There didn't seem much need, i guess, with the talent mills we have at my schools.

But i'm pretty sure my threshold for a satisfactory standard must be kinda high, since now i've been engaging in a fair bit of leadership here and there, pushing for things to happen. It's about how bad you want something, and people around me sometimes just want to work only for as long as they stay in their comfort zones. And i think that's perfectly fine. We should all live our lives the way we want it to be. I haven't seen anyone that superior enough to fairly tell somebody else what to do. (and sometimes it gets disappointing)

And he talked about the sense of accomplishment, when he completes a marathon or improves his work by a huge margin. It's all about beating yourself. They say the greatest competition is always yourself. It's not about the medals you win or the grades you get. And i truly think i haven't been winning against me recently. I want to challenge myself. I want to fight at something. But innately i have a problem: a strong sense of self-protection. I usually don't put in my 100% in something, because it makes me feel raw, like being stranded in the cold snow without a coat. What is left when i put in all my best efforts? What will failure feel like?

Winners don't think of losing. And if they do, they just have to overcome that fear. The way i underestimate my capabilities, i'm doing myself an ill favour. I can go further than this. We can go further than this. This project will be a testament of our very best efforts. And i believe we can win. We will.

Well, i guess that explains my inspiration. One of those runaway trains of thought.