It's my second last week at UBS.
Though I have not undergone as much pressure and work as the rest, I've tried to learn as much as i could. The sheer scale and magnitude of IT in UBS is really awe-inspiring, and revs up my interest in knowing how everything fits together into a trillion-dollar financial institution. Still, I don't have a clue in the world what i want to do for a career. And it definitely shows (and hurts) in my confidence, my drive factor. But there's no point thinking too much about it either, is there.
It's also my 3rd last week to FOC.
Things are going smoothly, with Shan, WC and i working hard along with the rest of the comm. We are really putting in great efforts to make sure we get every single aspect prepared for the camp. Even though it is always easy to get the mood high and for everyone to enjoy themselves during an orientation camp, I definitely want to minimize the trouble, the confusion, the last minute fumbling about behind the scenes. Every little detail we miss out now will cause someone to suffer down the road. That's the responsibility we uphold, and we have to take it very seriously.
At times i can't help but hate myself, for being so proud of my chairs and my comm one moment, and completely vexed and frustrated at not having things my way in the next. I'm clumsy at expressing myself, i'm so single-minded it blinds, and i regret every stubborn episode i get into. Please let me keep growing up. God knows i'm still a child.
And sometimes when i shed all these roles in my life, i feel so much self-doubt and emptiness. I can't help but wonder, What am I doing here? Where do i really belong?
... It must feel so good to be at ease with your life, to find a small little spot in this vast, diverse world where you can fit in happily.
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