Season Finale

Too long a hiatus from everything!

These past few weeks of free time have turned me into something between a bookworm and a hermit... spending my time on long walks and meditation, or poring into varied books and classics. Some of the great titles I liked: American classic "The Great Gatsby" where I empathized deeply with the main character, enigmatic "The Master of Go" (played out the game with the book), and casual read "The Idea of Perfection". I even had time for "the Hunger Games", but I found it, well, meh.

Since my birthday last week (Friday the 13th, terrific..), I have also set resolutions to lead a healthier lifestyle, trying to get habits going like a good ol' morning swim exercise or settling into bed early. 'Trying' is still an overstatement of my efforts though...haha.

Anyway, happy birthday to myself! It's a much more lonely occasion this year. I remember last year when the gang in Munich gave me a surprise celebration, with my most valued presents being a kimchi instant noodles from my korean frens...haha! Those were the halcyon days... the taste of European culture that will always stay with me.

Right now it's the last exam season for me and my cohort of frens. It brings back the memories of me, JY and Maran. We survived through countless challenges, poring over past exams in the 54 tv lounge, lamenting and laughing over our mistakes after every paper, celebrating at every occasion. I think of the times with Alvin and gang as well, with my best roomie locking my laptop away and protecting myself from it, haha. And the posters i put up around the block every exam season, to motivate everyone around me (to unknown effect).

Who'd have known that stressful times could be happy, as well?

More than just the exam season, these past four years have been the most memorable time of my life. A great developmental journey where I have laughed and cried, loved and hated, and lived and learned like never before. A time of venturing into unknown territories, throwing myself headlong into crazy adventures with some of the best people I have ever met.

Being block manager and knowing a hundred residents by name/ Serendipitous hall conversations deep into the night/ Organizing tons of events/ Fighting hard with the softball team /Training as a cheerleader / Building the FOC vision with the committee/ The longest days and nights during the camp itself/ Brawling with e rugby guys/ AD, AC, /... and that was just hall. 

In school it was like... Learning coding. Oh, the agony/ Riding with the wind on bikes/ Hours in the lab creating magic/ Trying startup competitions/ Groupwork with diverse characters/ Tough internships/ Doing events for Board games society, NBS exchange club/ Fishing at kelongs/ Exchange. Crazy, crazy exchange.     

This last season will be more lonely than usual. But somehow... images of these past four years seem to come alive, and surround me in comforting thoughts. The thought that time will pass, people will graduate, and friends may separate... But memories, memories are forever.

And suddenly I feel i am no longer alone.

Doldrums

In the doldrums now. Perhaps there's just so much uncertainty in my life now, that it gets to the point where it's terribly, miserably upsetting. I still don't know what i want to do with my life. I can't find an internship anywhere outside Singapore (though i haven't tried Kazakhstan). And, now, after stepping down from umpteen things in my past two years of hall and school, i can't find something new to be passionate about.


I did try. I joined the Anglers' Club, and it was fun going down to Pasir Ris pond and catching that monster of a fish. I'll be going to Sibu this Sat too, to a kelong floating in the sea half an hour off the Malaysian coast. Hopefully it'll be exciting enough to lift my mood.

I joined the NBS Exchange Club, but after the first event, we got caught up in some bamboozling red-tape stuff and that was that, till the next event at the end of the month. And i'm in the German Society, which has yet to notify me of anything.

To sum it up, my CCA life has been grinding to a halt now. Guess i've been so used to the hectic workload of being a leader at the top, that now that i've stepped down, to relax and retire as an ordinary member, it bores me. I am at a complete loss of what to do when i'm free. Even now, i am doing extra work on my biz. project, because it occupies me for the moment. Keeps me from thinking too much.

To top up the depressive moods, i had been watching '1 Litre of Tears' the past week. And it made me tear almost every single episode. The original story is sad enough, but the drama's addition of the love element really ups the ante far too much.

The most touching scenes were, to me, those of Aya and Haruto... it's like having an infinitely bright and beautiful scenery that you can but peek through a window. It was so deeply poignant when Aya tells him not to see her again... because she couldn't bear being reminded of the happiness that she 'could have' with him. A tragic love story that did not begin or end, but only simmered in bittersweet sorrow in each other's hearts.

I will always remember this serial for being so different from the usual riffraff. This is a serial not made for entertainment, but for inspiration. Not made to sell, but made to touch. This is a love story you'll dream about vividly at night. Perhaps just as Aya does.