Doldrums

In the doldrums now. Perhaps there's just so much uncertainty in my life now, that it gets to the point where it's terribly, miserably upsetting. I still don't know what i want to do with my life. I can't find an internship anywhere outside Singapore (though i haven't tried Kazakhstan). And, now, after stepping down from umpteen things in my past two years of hall and school, i can't find something new to be passionate about.


I did try. I joined the Anglers' Club, and it was fun going down to Pasir Ris pond and catching that monster of a fish. I'll be going to Sibu this Sat too, to a kelong floating in the sea half an hour off the Malaysian coast. Hopefully it'll be exciting enough to lift my mood.

I joined the NBS Exchange Club, but after the first event, we got caught up in some bamboozling red-tape stuff and that was that, till the next event at the end of the month. And i'm in the German Society, which has yet to notify me of anything.

To sum it up, my CCA life has been grinding to a halt now. Guess i've been so used to the hectic workload of being a leader at the top, that now that i've stepped down, to relax and retire as an ordinary member, it bores me. I am at a complete loss of what to do when i'm free. Even now, i am doing extra work on my biz. project, because it occupies me for the moment. Keeps me from thinking too much.

To top up the depressive moods, i had been watching '1 Litre of Tears' the past week. And it made me tear almost every single episode. The original story is sad enough, but the drama's addition of the love element really ups the ante far too much.

The most touching scenes were, to me, those of Aya and Haruto... it's like having an infinitely bright and beautiful scenery that you can but peek through a window. It was so deeply poignant when Aya tells him not to see her again... because she couldn't bear being reminded of the happiness that she 'could have' with him. A tragic love story that did not begin or end, but only simmered in bittersweet sorrow in each other's hearts.

I will always remember this serial for being so different from the usual riffraff. This is a serial not made for entertainment, but for inspiration. Not made to sell, but made to touch. This is a love story you'll dream about vividly at night. Perhaps just as Aya does.