Sheeps in Wolves' Skins

They call it job searching, or job hunting.

I prefer the latter term, for its brutal, more accurate meaning. As i get more experience with interviews, i realize that sometimes, it's a zero sum game. Many firms out there have very limited hiring capacities, and when it comes to the hiring decision, it inevitably comes down to a competitive game of comparison.

And in group discussions/interviews, like with hunting, the alpha male stands out. Outspoken and aggressive, they stake the game out for their own and bare their wolfish fangs to frighten the competition. Well, perhaps not that graphic, but still. And when this behavior is rewarded, even encouraged, guess what happens? Especially among engineers, who aren't bred up to be wolves unlike, say, business graduates, it gets into a bad case of 'wolf vs wolf', where people speak up for the sake of speaking, hogging up all the air time. These people try hard to be who they are not, getting all nervous with their thoughts and actions, and contributing less meaningfully to the task at hand.

And somehow, I tend to find myself as the shepherd. Getting the group focused and back on track. "Keep your eyes on the goddamn sheep!" I say. Even if wolves do stand out, it doesn't mean you should just blindly gnash your teeth in the air. Show your mettle in your individual style. Calm down so you can perform like you should. We need an analytical person. We need a creative mind. We need a data guy, a details person. We need a team.

I really see they can be so much more than they are showing to the interviewers. It's just very sad that there isn't always a second chance for them, for us. And I get very indignant when I feel that candidates aren't treated fairly. For example, I'm not just an engineer, but I have a business background as well. And I think I should be subject to harsher standards of evaluation when it comes to presentations and group work. In fact, I have raised it up as part of my introduction speech sometimes.

At the same time, I'm not so nonchalent as to completely put my chances down. All I want is a level playing field, to show our strengths equally despite working on the same exercise. It's not an easy HR challenge, but that's the interesting part, isn't it, to solve tough problems like this?

I just feel that I badly want to take some time out, revamp these recruitment practices, and make it work like it should. Perhaps something like: List out equally important roles in advance with separate skillsets highlighted from the job, allow candidates to choose the ones they feel most comfortable with, and split into teams. In that way, they can see who's a really good wolf, shepherd, or sheep. Metaphors aside, it's not about which role you play, but how good you are at it. After all, the basic things are always the same.

Well, that's all for my rant. I am still trying to strike the balance of performing my very best in the interview, and making sure others do just as well. If this sounds crazy to you... it sounds crazy to me too haha.

Oh, and good news regarding my studies: I earned an A+ for my final year project! Which comes with this (anticlimax) statement from the school:

REMARK: YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE DEGREE OF BACHELOR OF BUSINESS WITH FIRST CLASS HONOURS. YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE DEGREE OF BACHELOR OF ENGINEERING (COMPUTER SCIENCE) WITH FIRST CLASS HONOURS 

Big thanks to all my professors and frens throughout these past four years.

Setting this aside, the next thing I'm looking forward to is Camp Rainbow 2012, coming up next weekend.

I'm still taking care of two kids, but this time round, the challenge has gone up 1529%... because they're the camp's notorious duo J & WH, naughtiest of them all!! I have to highlight this back to them, don't they realize I'm getting too old for this? Haha. Now these kids are the real wolves in sheepskin...

As for myself, I'll relish my role as shepherd for now... and leave exploring what's under my skin for later :)

Season Finale

Too long a hiatus from everything!

These past few weeks of free time have turned me into something between a bookworm and a hermit... spending my time on long walks and meditation, or poring into varied books and classics. Some of the great titles I liked: American classic "The Great Gatsby" where I empathized deeply with the main character, enigmatic "The Master of Go" (played out the game with the book), and casual read "The Idea of Perfection". I even had time for "the Hunger Games", but I found it, well, meh.

Since my birthday last week (Friday the 13th, terrific..), I have also set resolutions to lead a healthier lifestyle, trying to get habits going like a good ol' morning swim exercise or settling into bed early. 'Trying' is still an overstatement of my efforts though...haha.

Anyway, happy birthday to myself! It's a much more lonely occasion this year. I remember last year when the gang in Munich gave me a surprise celebration, with my most valued presents being a kimchi instant noodles from my korean frens...haha! Those were the halcyon days... the taste of European culture that will always stay with me.

Right now it's the last exam season for me and my cohort of frens. It brings back the memories of me, JY and Maran. We survived through countless challenges, poring over past exams in the 54 tv lounge, lamenting and laughing over our mistakes after every paper, celebrating at every occasion. I think of the times with Alvin and gang as well, with my best roomie locking my laptop away and protecting myself from it, haha. And the posters i put up around the block every exam season, to motivate everyone around me (to unknown effect).

Who'd have known that stressful times could be happy, as well?

More than just the exam season, these past four years have been the most memorable time of my life. A great developmental journey where I have laughed and cried, loved and hated, and lived and learned like never before. A time of venturing into unknown territories, throwing myself headlong into crazy adventures with some of the best people I have ever met.

Being block manager and knowing a hundred residents by name/ Serendipitous hall conversations deep into the night/ Organizing tons of events/ Fighting hard with the softball team /Training as a cheerleader / Building the FOC vision with the committee/ The longest days and nights during the camp itself/ Brawling with e rugby guys/ AD, AC, /... and that was just hall. 

In school it was like... Learning coding. Oh, the agony/ Riding with the wind on bikes/ Hours in the lab creating magic/ Trying startup competitions/ Groupwork with diverse characters/ Tough internships/ Doing events for Board games society, NBS exchange club/ Fishing at kelongs/ Exchange. Crazy, crazy exchange.     

This last season will be more lonely than usual. But somehow... images of these past four years seem to come alive, and surround me in comforting thoughts. The thought that time will pass, people will graduate, and friends may separate... But memories, memories are forever.

And suddenly I feel i am no longer alone.

Peace and Love, Reus

It's been a while, but i felt like digging up my diaries and journaling the rest of my Portugal-Spain trip, haha.

I arrived in Reus, a small rustic town off Barcelona. It's the birthplace of Gaudi, though i believe he was attracted more towards the big-city glamour of Barca!

Imagine my surprise when I was greeted by my host Blanca and her diving instructor David with a very hearty..."Selamat Datang!" Haha. Both of them are avid travelers too who've had their fair share of adventure in Asia, including a months-long biking trail across China! Definitely want to try that someday too, wow. 

We drove around for a bit, to return their diving equipment. Blanca has been taking diving lessons, to prep for her trip to Madagascar perhaps - she's going with some frens to volunteer and teach there for a year or so!! Along the way we even had a little accident with the local traffic police...but i can't really remember the details now haha.

Last stop for the night: home sweet home in Reus! Out of all the hosts I've had, Blanca had one of the most memorable homes. It was a small, cozy one-room place, intricately decorated with books, drawings, a plethora of stuff with a very personal feeling coming through - i could really begin to see what kind of person she was in the home she's built! 

I remember the little kitchen where there was barely room for two, and the fridge choke-full  of home-grown vegetables, from green pepper, chilli, onions and potatoes to carrots, long beans, tomatoes. Blanca actually tends to a small garden patch together with her other friends, and they just love harvesting them fresh for their meals. If you've never seen home-grown veggies btw, they look nothing like in the supermarkets! In fact i had a hard time identifying some of the veggies as they were in the oddest shapes and sizes.

Anyway I made dinner for us both, braised pork belly with green pepper, and vermicelli with carrots :-)

Yummy~ i hope!

 The next morning saw us taking a ride to nearby Tarragona, the capital of Catalonia with some very Romanesque ruins, from Cyclopean walls to an astounding amphitheatre!

 Managed to catch the weekly flea market by the Cathedral- an awesome experience! 

An amphitheatre by the sea - what an entertaining spectacle it must have been ~

We had a light breakfast, then snuck off for a long ride across the hilly roads of Tarragona, the scenery marred by industrial structures like power stations, processing plants. But the deeper we went into the mountains and valleys, the further we abandoned modern civilization ... until we reached the castled town of Montblanc, nestled away among the rocky Prades Mountains.

Our destination: to have a nice picnic at Blanca's frens Guillem and Cristina's house, which was still further hidden away in a nearby barren village! We first met up with her other frens Edgar and Eliz, and then shopped for groceries and lunch. Sadly Sunday is truly not a day for shopping, and only one muslim mom-and-pop store was open for us to grab some drinks and snacks.

Upon reaching Guillem's house, my eyes completely widened. Here we had a concrete blockish house that looked exactly like a hermit's adobe! Imagine it surrounded by spiny bushes, a reserve water pool, and no grid electricity or water supply - i can't imagine a closer reference to the olden times of Spain!

Reminded me of Heroes I's ogre adobe!!

If i were to choose one coolest place out of all my travels, this is it. 

Guillem, a DJ schooled in old-school traditions, housed hundreds of vinyl records and an inhouse music system in about one-third of the adobe. The other two-thirds comprised of a counter bar where flies buzzed about in the hot, dry air and cushy sofas to lounge in. We had live DJ music on his scratch pad (which Guillem taught me to experiment on - really really fun stuff to try!), and later more of their frens came to join in the picnic. Absolutely memorable sights, sounds and smells that are still coming back to me now!

Oh, something i forgot to add: besides Blanca and Edgar, none of their frens spoke english. Everyone was speaking Catalonian most of the time :)  Talk about non-verbal communication! Haha. I'm amazed i still managed to fit in somehow, as we lazed and chilled in the fun picnic atmosphere.

As evening approached, we took a quick tour around Montblanc, climbing up the old Roman fort walls. There, the setting sun cast our shadows across the town beneath, and the breeze and the bronze light cast a warm feeling in our hearts...

I guess this was the time when it struck me... that Life is long, and meant to be enjoyed, every single moment of it. To me Blanca embodied this life philosophy perfectly, in living life to the fullest yet with the deepest sense of hope, faith and love that it does not end tomorrow, but will go on forever. How vast, varied and interesting life can be! You can be anyone you want, do anything you love, and not feel the least bit of regret about it.

Yes, it was then that I felt my perspective on life has truly opened up for me, telling me that I can live life the way I want, not the way society dictates. I can lead different lifestyles and assimilate different cultures, i can explore many options on the places i'll go, the things i can do. I can slack like a bum or overwork for a cause. I can fail, cry, laugh, hug, inspire, pause, learn, read, play, go broke, seek help, volunteer ... and find fulfillment and happiness in my own life anyway.

Because Life is long, and meant to be good.

She has never voiced this out, and in fact we have never communicated that well in the sense of words and sentences due to her still learning english. But i could intimately feel her way of thinking, her way of life. It felt so deeply touching, and yet so comforting, to listen to her share her thoughts and experiences as though they were the most common thing in the world, when in fact it is so, so rare especially in this modern age of material greed and egotistic self-pursuit, a global village of disconnected individuals, a world where, so they say, Life is short.

Blanca, means white in Spanish. 

To me, she had truly brought the colour into my life perspective, like the brightness among darkness; an undying hope for a better life, a better world.

As I snuggled into the mat on the last night of my brief, yet life-changing trip in Reus, i was probably thinking...

Me siento agradecido por el regalo, Blanca.

A Comment

Kind words never fail to make me smile :)

From SG Cares' Alan:

Dear Sebastian, Thank You, NTU Student volunteers for the App.  

V aluable is the work you do, 

O utstanding in how you always come through. 

L oyal, sincere and full of good cheer, 

U ntiring in your efforts throughout the year. 

N otable are the contributions you make, 

T rustworthy in every project you take. 

E ager to reach your every goal, 

E ffective in the way you fulfill your role. 

R eady with a smile like a shining star, 

S pecial and wonderful - that’s what you are!

A long day (and night of volunteering)

Yawn... just woke up after one long, sleepless night up improving the mobile volunteering app, then one straight, tiring day volunteering at Highpoint Community Services.

It's surprisingly refreshing to go down to the ground and get our knees dirty in helping for a good cause! I had an interesting 'job rotation' as I carried sacks of rice with Meesala (an Indian MBA getting a job here), packed food with VL Jiaqi for homes of the elderly, being sent on a 'learning excursion' delivery route in a van with Ho Fai and Uncle Richard, and finally learning about high fashion while arranging old clothes with Anne. Along the way, I had a fun break drinking some weird ass drink some company donated crates of (for good reason i'm sure...) with Uncle Bernard, a 60 or 70-ish teacher who shared a couple of years of his life story and almost began proselytizing to me before i escaped =p.

I couldn't help smiling when I was doing some of the menial labour... guess I have a couple of bolts loose somewhere haha. I just felt a 'feel-good' sensation - and i guess it's the thing that keeps me going thru my past leadership experiences as well. Working for the sake of others cleanses the soul... it validates our common existence in this world of ours and makes you feel like you've gotten just a little closer to all the mass of human beings out there trying to eke out a meager living. It makes you feel alive - yes, for only when you are truly alive, do you think and care for others, do you share your love for the world. Otherwise, what differentiates you from a moving object, a machine?

It was invigorating, too, to get to share some of my thoughts and experiences with a common soul Ho Fai, whom I shared an hour or so on the delivery route! We really poured our hearts out, talking about our dreams and aspirations, our life stories that built us up. Amazing how a great connection just sparks like that, simply by being open to making new friends.

Ah well... I almost forgot my original purpose, to get more feedback for the mobile app! Still thinking about how to make it more engaging, more attractive towards users. How should we go about making people volunteer more? What makes people volunteer, and what makes them not volunteer? Will they do it if it's fun? If it's with friends? If they got recognition or rewards?

These are some of the questions i have been throwing around recently, to understand the real problem i'm trying to solve. It's not about thinking of what the app can do, but rather what people need or want. And there's no simple answer to this, so all i can do is to keep digging and digging, probing people, asking questions.

But truly, thanks to this project, I have gotten to thinking and learning a lot in more than one way. I like the new experiences i've been getting recently too. Even though there is much that doesn't excite me anymore, there is still a great part of the unexplored world out there for me to venture into.

After all, all we want is a reason to live.

One Night in Beijing, Two in Shanghai

Back from a grueling winter in Beijing and Shanghai, China! Pictures here.

I spent Christmas snuggled under the sheets, feverish and sneezing from a cold in the hotel. Not very merry indeed. And New Year's Day saw me climbing the Great Wall and leaving a trail of snot...haha.

I really loved the Great Wall though, it left me the same feeling as the Grand Canyon... 'Wow.' I must go back sometime and take a few days to walk and camp through the Wall...hmm is that allowed? They don't have patrols at night do they...

I feel like I still barely know China after having toured around the Jiang nan area. We were brought about to skim the surface of cities, a touristy ride through attractions and whatnots. But i still enjoyed getting a glimpse of how locals live, from the way they dress and walk, to the houses and shops they inhabit. The tour guides of course fed us loads of fun facts and themed stories, with the occasional historical tidbit. At the end of the day, I do not feel as though I have understood any of the great cities we have breezed through.

I breeze through Life not with Wind. - George Bernard Shaw

The propaganda was surely laid on thick, from the guide's resolute exhortation that we were 'people of China with Singaporean passports" to the incessant reminder of filial piety to our parents, our grandparents, whoever that could justify buying a new silk pillow, a kilo of green tea leaves for. I am proud to say that our group has bought it all and fulfilled every shop's sales quota along the way. My contribution to the table: $8 for a bottle of pearl cream that stun my eyes horribly after applying it like a facial mask. Well done.

I will never forget the impressive sales techniques practised on us, like we were little white mice rolling on a wheel. I have a true admiration for this art - it truly is an elaborate art - of putting thoughts into the minds of others. Kinda like Genjutsu, only better.

I especially like how we are so good at rationalizing things...religion and superstitions, all buttressed by half-truths and fallacies. Another thing that was rationalized - the Suzhou Industrial Park, gave me more food for thought. In the ever-present dilemma between development and conservation, we always talk about the benefit for the lives of the many versus the detriment of the few. In reality, it's a veil in disguise; very often it's not the majority oppressing the few, but rather the few with many oppressing the few with little.

It has still been a refreshing, enriching trip through and through, and I am grateful for this grad trip that has enabled me to reconnect with all my BCG coursemates. I pray the memories we have forged together stands strong like the Wall :)

Horizons

Back after a long hiatus!

It has been a refreshing blast of activity since the exams ended. I am actually hugely more busy now than during the exam period! I guess that hints at the mindset i hold towards taking exams now... haha. I studied maybe eight, nine hours total for each paper? The rest of the time, I have been indulging my passions...studying Go, reading Herman Hesse's books, taking long brooding walks, thinking about what I want to do.

After returning from overseas, I have been enjoying my new perspective on life.

Things like appreciating the simpler things in life, thinking up little projects like creative presents for friends, taking time out to admire a thunderstorm, and slowly chewing my breakfast despite being late for lessons.

Understanding and forgiving our weaknesses, observing people for who they are, and consciously giving praise and encouragement to close ones around me.

Dissolving my temper and negative feelings away, being more patient with things, seeing things from different angles, asking more questions about everything, and being thankful and amazed to know the answers.

Making dinner at home a priority, to talk more to my brothers, to cry more during sad movies, and laugh more during funny ones.

Taking charge in projects, learning to pay attention towards my teammates rather than the task at hand, giving myself hard chores and being hardworking for once... and rewarding myself after :)

Well.

Graduation is coming up soon, and job searching has been fruitless so far... ha. And i have just myself to blame... having applied to, say, 5 firms in total?

Guess i'm really stubborn about it. I swore myself to a life not of success, but of fulfillment. And I try to act on it. I realized that success-oriented, competitive environments or jobs that do not serve the greater part of society will not go with this. Hence I chose not to apply for financial, tobacco firms, etc.

I also aspire to be challenged in open and collaborative environments, to be pushed to reach new levels in my knowledge and skillsets... and so didn't apply for starting jobs in governmental, rigid organizations either. I'd love to hear from people who can share their experiences to refute my stereotyped views, but so far all my working friends have affirmed my beliefs in this.

Who's to say I won't conform to the rest of society and 'wake up' to reality? Nine out of ten friends around me absolutely adore bank jobs. The remaining one is already working in it. I've seen encouraging movements in the U.S., but the odds are stacked against me here in the zeitgeist of Singapore. I just hope to retain the new perspectives and mindsets I gained from my european friends, and be brave enough to fight for them.

Keeping my paradoxical aim of doing something challenging in a less success-oriented environment in mind, I have been actively tossing out competitive thoughts and ambition from my mind, and yet pro-actively seeking out opportunities to challenge myself in a fun, fulfilled way.

I find that strangely, my initiative towards things has actually increased as a result, while trying to be driven not by achievement but by fulfilment. To be pushed not by thoughts of myself, but of others as well. To be excited not by the chance to earn money but the opportunity to make a difference.

I set myself a midterm goal: to set up a nonprofit tech firm, something like Convio.

In the short run, I've recently made contact with Singapore's governmental agency in charge of volunteer orgs in Singapore, and managed to convince them to do a collaborative project with me and maran!

I have a dream of regular people, each and everyone of us, volunteering every so often for causes we believe in, people we want to help. I have a dream of reaching out to people, especially youths, to create a kinder, more caring society. It's an easy dream as far as dreams go, isn't it?

At least i know Technology can do this.

We're creating a mobile application that serves as a platform for people to freely logon, check out the latest volunteering events, and signup for them. Users can search for causes they're interested in, for events they have the time and energy to help out in. The best part? After using it for sometime, the app will smartly recommend the user what he's interested in, based on a model the app has constructed of him. That's what I call Artificial Intelligence :)

And to engage the youths and keep users going back to the app, we're making use of fun and social elements, such as achievements and reward points, and sharing on FB and twitter to invite friends to join the same event. How's that for viral marketing?

I'm really aiming to create something impactful and useful to society. We're in the heat of the action now, and some of my friends are joining me in this too, though we're still tight of manpower. Hopefully our creation will nudge up Singapore's volunteerism rate by at least 0.5% within the next six months. I'd really love to see that realized!

I don't think I would have gone this far in this project without my new perspective in life gained from my exchange in europe. I like that the lessons you learn, you experiences you gain, the people you meet, the memories you hold from traveling...they don't disappear the moment you leave, but simmer in your mind slowly, absorbed into your soul like little bits of your life.

Ah, what am i saying? Doesn't that apply to everything in our lives? Ha...

Anyway, that's all I have to rant for now. I guess it's a good enough update for these few months! Well, time to get back to work on my coding.

P.s.

It feels so good to realize that life is long, and meant to be good.

Thank you for teaching me that.