Down.

I remember being drunk.

Daring to be open. Showing emotions freely. Being yourself. And i miss the feeling.

Now everything just feels so pent up. So surreal that it feels like an identity switch.

Who is this person living my life now? Why is he doing this to me?

But i'm glad he handles all my commitments, all my duties oh so finely. He juggles all mystudies well, he does so much himself without showing a sign of weakness, always striving for the best decisions in the long term. Even though he won't be popular for it. Even though no one will even care two hoots about what he's done. But he perseveres. He thrives. The pressure just makes him stronger, stronger, stronger.

Not I. I feel like breaking down, but i can't do that now.

I want to give up, but i'm not allowed to do so.

I feel like crying out loud, but...

I forgot how.

And so i long.

I long and I long and I long for the moment when i can let everything down, when i owe nothing to anyone, when i can live my own life. Without a care in the world.

So please, let me change back to the soppy, wimpy, crybaby self that i was. Let me get back to a life where nothing mattered more than being happy and carefree.

Because this is taking over me.

And i feel sad...

So very, terribly sad.