A path to happiness

Reached the midway mark of my internship at UBS!

Things are starting to look up. I have been enjoying frequent conversations with my mentor TM, about career, self-development and life. Plus I made some breakthroughs recently in my project, by getting to know the front-office sales and traders. Last but not least, I made fast friends with LY, Mr Sun et al :) Sadly XF has ended his work here... and the rest, too, will finish up in a couple of weeks. I will dearly miss them and their silly antics, the crappy BS.

Today I went to join the Hall 11 Devils for their skirmish with some old birds team from Ngee Ann poly. Struck out twice, totally out of it haha. Made a solid hit to third base tho. And as usual, my outfield drought continues. The last time any good ball came to me was at the interhalls two years ago. But anyway, today was more to show face and catch up with the softball peeps than anything else. I haven't had time to catch up with them for so long.

Afterwards, rushed to Khai's birthday party. Had fun with the rainbow befrienders and kids, who're still very much spirited and lively. Ruijie sure wore me down by the time i brought him home! Haha. Anyway, Khai received loads of presents! Pohlin and Huijiao even prepared a custom-made birthday card. His family also pampered us with some good food and ice-cream cakes. And we ended the night playing with sparklers in the lobby.

Sometimes i wonder if life were meant to be busying about meeting friends, fulfilling commitments ... or spent freely without a care in the world.

And which would be the true path to happiness.

Reserved for fun

I've been really lazy to write nowadays... even though a lot of interesting things happened!

The past two weeks were spent in reservist ICT. Catching up with my old pals was really a blast, and we did all sorts of interesting stuff together. We played sports, drank beer, hung out at the pub, and even played an allnighter LAN on the last night! I like this bunch of team mates, they make everything seem more bearable. Plus i always feel very open with them. It's a huge change from work, definitely. I almost missed chatting freely to people!

It was, frankly speaking, a welcome opportunity for me to rest and relax, to take my time and smell the roses :) I guess i'm still not used to working life. Luckily life in the army is anything but work haha. Not for the men at least. We chilled in our bunks for quite a few days, playing cards, chatting or taking afternoon naps. I did some reading, but not much. Besides this, we went for three fitness tests, and i failed my running the first time... getting out of shape! Ha... need to maintain a jogging routine soon.

Let's see... we also went outfield for a total of four days, two nights. My role was pretty relaxed, though i helped out whenever i could. Lots of mosquito and sandfly bumps on my skin afterwards. The first shower after returning to camp still feels like dew from heaven.

Had quite a few interesting experiences too. Kenneth bought a Starlet for 3k, and ferried us all over. We went to Atlantis at Textile Centre, and then another at Windsor hotel. It was definitely an eyeopener for the rest of us! Though i wasn't that open, and didn't enjoy the smoke and noisy music (i eventually found a spot to hide and dozed off a couple hours), i found it new - and exciting - to see all the performances etc. Kudos to Kenneth for sharing with us a unique experience we might otherwise miss forever :)

Oh, and also after we out-processed at the end (we call it in-noob, out-pro), somehow we took a detour on a scenic route home, and landed up at the Sunset Grill and Bar, near Seletar air base. There were many airplanes standing all around, and we could see them take off from the roads nearby. They say the sunset can be seen here, a very full and beautiful one... have to come here again to see it someday.

But today we were here to try out the famous hot chicken wings - from level 1 to level 30. We jumped straight to order a dozen of level 5, thinking it was pretty ok to try it out. Turned out: the first bite we took had us downing half a glass of water!! And it was so blazing hot that we had to cut it up instead of biting it directly - it burned and stung our lips terribly otherwise. Talk about five-alarm chilli!

After much arduous struggle, we finished three wings each, haha. Kenneth said when his friends ordered level 10, it was completely untouched and wasted after their first mouths. You wouldn't even taste the chicken at all! Anyway, at level 5 this is de facto the hottest thing i've ever eaten. Perhaps a once-in-a-lifetime experience? Haha.

Well, and now's the end of the weekend, after reservist passed in a flash. Almost wished it were longer eh, haha. Back to work tomo. Good nights!

Camp Rainbow 2010 :)

Back from Camp Rainbow 2010 : Artitude! :)

It feels like i've just came back from a weekend sabbatical. Completely refreshed and at ease with the world. This year's camp was small yet cozy, with quite some fresh activities related to art and decoration. Planned and executed pretty well, too. From the past year of experience organizing Hall FOC, i could understand and appreciate more of the effort and planning that go behind everything. That plus we have some of the camp's most experienced and passionate leaders, like Poh Lin, Hui Jiao, Ben and Sham... i felt that everyone, kids and befrienders alike, thoroughly enjoyed themselves these few days :)

It's strange what a difference a few days make. We forged many close bonds between ourselves and the kids. My charges RJ and Sam were pretty easy to handle, because they knew when to behave (and when to let loose and play!) The other kids... HX was mischievous as usual, haha. Rachel was more mature this time round, but she still managed to have fun. YZ is still as cool as ever, and I'm glad he's with Ben now, who can talk better to him.

The new kids.. Khai was shy and well-behaved, but warmed up to us soon enough (and liked to tickle me till i got bowled over!) Fir was the oldest, but with our constant effort, he melded in and enjoyed the activities as well. And Al, well he always made my heart jump out when he went wild sometimes! But i think i got used to it after awhile, ha. Aaron, well i started on the wrong step with him and he called me 'Baddie' all the way (along with many others) lol. And last but not least, Bell was very, very shy but cute in her own way, and very nice towards everyone! I exchanged a lot of small gifts with her :) Sadly i didn't manage to get her to be bolder and open up her voice more.

It was tough, but the befrienders Ben, Sham, Luke, Ian, Felise, Shi Hong seemed matched to them like a perfect fit. Mature Ian for HX, seniors Ben and Sham (and I) to handle two kids each, first-timer Luke with the very easy-going Khai haha. Anyway, the kids seem to have a lot of fun. I wish they wouldn't bully me so much though! Haha.

But i'm really glad that i have visibly grown much from the last camp. I continually got the kids to warm up to each other and to us, I had great conversations with the other befrienders, and I got to know more people from the committee too. (when i had the time, a rarity mostly). I have the grueling training in JCRC and as FOC Chair to thank for this :) It's good to have a kind of benchmark, to see how i fare against myself from a year or two back.

Every single day was memorable, so maybe i'll blog about it later. I'm just bushed right now.

Three days of meaningful fun do get one worn out :)

Thoughts from the office

Everyone here at UBS is really driven! Wow. I'm not sure if i like to work in such an environment... but i'll take my time to find out.
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I have a really interesting project! Think i have much to learn from it. Luckily there's no coding involved.
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OMG just checked results. I can't believe it. I'm supposed to have sacrificed this sem's modules, due to CCA commitments! Man this is weird.
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Just had dinner at Brewerkz, with some of the interns from all the three offices. First time meeting them, so it'll still take some time to blend in.

But anyway, it has been a long and fruitful week. I leave work everyday enriched with new knowledge, about the workings of a financial institution, about the intricate issues involved and the different functions that make it up. I spend a lot of my time purveying documents and info not accessible to the public - like reports by experts on the economy, messages sent from Chief xx Officers, and the various e-learning modules online.

The perspective from within the organization is really different. What you read about in Time or Fortune is actually just the tip of the iceberg; you have to be within it to see what lies beneath. It's amazing. It's like seeing a storybook come to life. Just that the storybook has a trillion dollar net worth, and has 65,000 characters running around the globe.

And i like that i'm doing a cross IT-Business project. I'll be presenting the idea to a bunch of managers next week! Owe it to my boss for giving me the exposure. It enables me to talk to people, garner information and work independently. A very well-rounded, full-bodied kinda thing. Plus help is always around the corner, so i feel quite comfortable in the job.

Anyway, the job experience has given me an opportunity to explore issues like career, success, fulfillment, life goals. The good thing about being an intern is that everyone becomes your mentor. Good timing, too, because my mind is filled with doubts and questions.

Like, what is the value of having good grades? Perhaps i haven't been here too long, but i really don't see how it helps at all. Sure, i can recognise common elements in my daily readings from what i've learned in school, but does it really aid me in my work? I don't quite see the point of getting good grades anymore. Actually, i lost the motivation since the start of the year, which is why i was surprised at my grades. I don't think i even wanted to do well. As long as you keep building up your soft skills and technical knowledge, you don't have to get every assignment picture-perfect, or cram like mad each exam season.

A bigger worry, though, is that i still don't feel fulfilled. I volunteer, i have good friends, i take up leadership roles, and i do well in school. But somehow it just doesn't add up. It doesn't make me feel satisfied with myself. It doesn't give me a warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart, well not for long anyway. What must i do? I want to value myself, to give my life meaning. But nothing's working. Nothing.

And still life goes on.

Fulfilment

What a weekend.

Sat morn till afternoon was spent clearing out the FOC stores, packing them to move to Shan's factory and Nanyang house for storage during this hols. The Logs guys all worked hard and tirelessly to complete the job in double-quick time. Kudos to Franklin, Alan Toh, Avin, Kaiyan and of course Logs Head Alan Phua for burning their Sat for FOC :) And also to my dad, who provided his lorry and driving services for the day! He even had time to help some Filipino family move house in-between our packing, haha. And of course Weichong and Shan, who are the best co-chairs i could ever have. Everyone made it a breezy and successful moving out of hall. We even had a sneak peek at Shan's beautiful house :D

After that, i met Maran and Jingyi at Bugis, where Maran gave us a treat at a fine Indian cuisine restaurant, Riverwalk Tandoor in the Golden Landmark Hotel. I have to say, the buffet fare there - especially the different vegetarian curry dishes - totally blew my mind away. It was fantabulous - scrumptilicious - and i enjoyed every bite. Maran gave us a tour on each gastronomic delight, making it culturally enriching to boot.

Sadly i felt full very quickly, probably due to the high milk and cheese content in the curry and naan. So we left and fooled abit with taking photos in the hotel. It was then that i felt nauseous and ill, and Maran and Jy took care of me through my waves of nausea, till i reached home. Really, really thanks to these great pals, and it was a great pity i couldn't enjoy the food i'd eaten :( I wish my stomach would grow more sturdy.

The next day, after a grueling night, i had to go for Camp Rainbow's welcome tea. My brother touched me by getting up at 7am especially to wake me up. :) Still it took my mum to wake me up again after my snooze before i got up haha. So at Singapore Arts Museum, 8Q street, i had a reunion with all my 'old' friends... Winnie, Ryan, and the kids Yong Zhuo, Samuel, Rachel. I realised that the other kid i'm in charge of, Rui Jie, was the same kid i'd looked after at the Welcome tea two years ago! Haha. Everyone seemed to look the same. And it's been two years already, wow.

I also met some new faces, like the befrienders in my group, Ian, Luke, Felise. I didn't really get to talk to the rest yet. I also bumped into Jewel, as NTU and NUS's accounting clubs are supporting Ernst and Young in this event. EY is a partner of Camp Rainbow. There were many other volunteers from EY there too, like the pretty emcee who was very good, and popular with the kids!

On the whole, the kids had loads more fun inside the Art museum, where they looked at some exhibits and did some activities. The games that Jewel et al facilitated outdoors were ... well, not all that fun. For our group aged 10-13, it wasn't terribly exciting. Most of them were scaled-down versions of ice-breakers. I'd think that concrete, playable things like puzzles would appeal more to the kids. Anyway the place was a tad too cramped and noisy.

But kids are kids, after all, and enjoyed themselves very easily, just playing with their befrienders and with each other. That is the whole point of the event, after all. I'd say that the event was a success :)

Afterwards, i sent Samuel and Rui Jie back home. They click together surprisingly well, despite their differences in personality! Haha. We had a roaring good time playing Hangman on the train. This year's camp bodes to be highly interesting indeed.

Well, i'm bushed for the time being.

A trio of friends

Today marks the end of CIDP, or Computer Innovation and Design Programme.

We presented to Prof Malcolm and he gave us a scathing review on our project. Well not really. Probably an A-. But the grade wouldn't justify the kind of effort that people like Jingyi and Maran put into the project. Then again, i knew they never did it for the grades. That's why i admire them. For being wise enough to see past the surface, having the foresight to set goals for the future and the discipline to make them happen. Me? I'm kinda lacking in the discipline department. Meanwhile, i'll still leech to them and form our fun, crazy, brilliant and undoubtedly silly trio. Looking forward to 2 more years of this!

Thinking about it, a trio of friends bears a lot of meaning for me. In Hall i had so much fun in a trio. With Alvin and Weichong last semester, playing squash at midnight, board games, sharing the saikang, or lending a listening ear when it mattered most. And in the first year, it was Brandon and Weichong, as well as all the freshie rooms in the level 4 corridor. I don't think i'll get back the feeling ever again. But hopefully new experiences await. Hopefully i'll always get this lucky.

Perhaps the idea of going about with two close friends really appeals to me. Making fun of each other and having someone else to laugh. Running into misunderstandings and having a middleman to settle them. Doing crazy things with just that extra bit of courage or opinion. And most of all, because having even one more friend with whom you can laugh without a care, kick his ass freely, and trust and depend on with your life, is just so much more... awesome.

All of a sudden i thought about the jc times when wudao, gaoshan and i said the funniest and weirdest conversations, did the stupidest and craziest things. I miss them, as well as all my old friends. But i'm looking forward to the next time we meet up. I know we will. And they'll be just the same as before. Somehow i just know it.

That these trios of friends that i have, will always be my best friends in the whole wide world.

Resolution

It's been a long time. Since the last time i've been proud of myself, i mean. That's why i've made a resolution this hols, to stop wasting my time, and start enriching my life. This year, I will still keep my commitment to go to Camp Rainbow, I will make the Hall FOC great, and I will rekindle my interest in books. No more computer games for me, no more idling around the house.

Books i've read so far... Yosl Rakover Talks to God. A short, rambling narrative, seemingly written by a Jew in his last hours in the Warsaw ghetto, the Holocaust. He professes an undying faith in a cruel and bullying God. It gained such a degree of authenticity that people scorned the Jewish author when he said he had written it (and he wasn't even in the Holocaust!)

I believe in the sun, even when it doesn't shine.
I believe in love, even when i don't feel it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.
- Inscription on the wall of a cellar in Cologne where some Jews remained hidden for the entire duration of the war.

I'm halfway through Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha. Despite the differences in generation culture, technology and lifestyle, some things in childhood will always be common. The playfulness, the cruelty, the overflowing emotions. The ignorance, the kindness, the pure happiness. Our childhood memories haunt us like a shadow, a deep, sinking shadow cast by the light of innocence.

I'm relishing every bit of the book.

And the reason i had three whopping hours to read it was... i'd went in the opposite direction on the MRT. The next thing i knew, when i raised my head it was Bedok. Oh Merde. And i turned around towards Boon Lay. Sigh.

This was after i'd met up with my kid for this year's Camp Rainbow, Samuel. He's quite a mature, conscientious kid. He had this thing that said, "Goals to achieve this year. Social: ... Academic: ... Leadership: ...". At age 12! When i was his age, i was still pulling girls' ponytails or something.

What a change a day makes...